Vancouver Couples, Marriage & Relationship Counselling
Vancouver counsellor Barbara Mulski specializes in couples
counselling. If you are experiencing a relationship challenge,
she helps couples with challenges such as couple
communication, conflict
management, affairs/infidelity,
re-romancing,
and pre-marital
counselling issues.
In her practice as a Vancouver marriage counsellor, she
strives to promote an accepting atmosphere in which it is
easy and safe to talk about difficult personal issues making
it as comfortable as possible for you to get back on track.
Couples Issues You Can Resolve In Counselling
- Trust issues
- Moodiness, anxiety and depression
- Parenting challenges
- Household responsibilities
- Money issues
- Lack of intimacy
- Sexual issues
- Not feeling understood or valued
- Controlling or needy partner
- Coping with each other's extended family
- Blended families
- Overly critical or judgmental interactions
How Does Couple's Counselling Help Fix Your Relationship?
The Problem
Couples often go into marriage with no real idea of what marriage is all about; romanticized ideals, magazines and TV shows all help to create the fantasy.
Each partner may start to feel as though they are not respected as if they are being taken for granted, resentment can build up even at the very early stages in a marriage.
There's Life After Falling In Love
For most of us, falling in love is one the most intense and pleasurable experience we will ever have. Scientist report that there are physiological changes to our bodies during the initial stages of a new relationship. Endorphins flood our bloodstream giving us a feeling of euphoria and intense pleasure. However, neither the mind nor our body can continue this state. Thus we must eventually come down from this natural high, and this typically occurs somewhere between three to six months into the relationship. Now what?
Why Do We Fight?
For most couples, once this initial stage of the relationship comes to an end, what seems to happen is a feeling of being emotionally disconnected from each other. It is the essential stage where both partners begin to assert themselves as individuals. For some couples this can frightening:
- Have we fallen out of love?
- Is this the person I should be with?
- This is certainly not the same person I fell in love with.
Conflict is Normal and Healthy
Two people, each from different backgrounds and with different ideas, are bound to have differences and conflicts. In fact, where there is no possibility of conflict, one could say there is not a possibility of relationship. The issue is not how a couple can avoid conflict, but, how a couple can work through the conflict in order to have a better understanding of self and one's partner.
The Solution - Counselling Works!
Couples often find it easier to speak to each other and say things they need to say in front of the counsellor. Being able to let your guard down and feel safe with your partner opens the door for intimacy and connection to take place.
I understand that confronting issues is a difficult task, and you and your partner may feel anxious and uncomfortable about coming to counselling.
Sometimes partners have different feelings about or expectations of counselling - that, for instance one partner may be more enthusiastic or at ease with the situation than the other.
Improving your relationship and marriage's chances of survival is dependent on each individual making it clear what their expectations are to ensure they are understood by one another.
A. Couples counselling is often seen as different from individual counselling because the relationship is the focus of attention, instead of one individual's specific psychological problem. In couples counselling, the counsellor will help you and your partner identify the conflict issues within your relationship, and will help you decide what changes are needed in order for both of you to feel satisfied with the relationship.
A. It's really best to deal with relationship issues early on. The good news is it's never too late to begin the healing process. I understand that taking the first step towards addressing your relationship concerns is not always easy.
A. Not at all!! In fact, it is actually a sign of an emotionally mature and secure relationship. In all types of organizations or industries, if there are issues that arise or problems that cannot be resolved, then professional consultants are called in to help. When, then, would one's most significant adult relationship not be given the same serious assistance if it ran into problems that required professional help? Couple counselling is that significant resource for the success of your relationship!
A. The ultimate purpose of marriage is to become partners in this thing we call 'life'. Marriage, like life is not fun all of the time. But, as long as you remain partners, you can make it through anything that it throws at us. The comfort and security of know that you will be there for each other no matter what struggles you will encounter is priceless.
A. No.
A. Yes.
A. It, of course, varies from couple to couple, but symptomatic relief begins within the first six (6) sessions.
A. Most marriages can substantially benefit from a few counselling sessions. A marriage never gets "fixed" in the sense that it doesn't need ongoing attention and work. The couples who do the best are the ones who come 1-2 times a week for a short period of time and then continue to come infrequently for a longer period of time. This is completely optional and is up to each couple to decide their needs.
A. It's important to help the person in the couple that has a harder time articulating things. They are usually holding a lot of important information that the couple needs in order to grow and change and yet they are unable to feel safe enough to say what is really going on inside them.
A. Absolutely, yes. There are many, many things you can do on your own to make things better. A few ways are:
- Improved communication skills to get needs met
- Depression
- Anxiety triggered by feelings fear of abandonment
- Lies At The Alter - Dr. Robin Smith
- 1001 Question to Ask Before You Get Married - Monica Mendez Leahy
- Messages - The Communication Skills Book - McKay, Davis, Fanning
- Why Marriages Succeed or Fail - John Gottman
- Keeping the Love You Find - Harville Hendrix
- Emotional Intelligence - Daniel Goleman
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